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there’s a strange, tender kind of belonging that doesn’t always come wrapped in permanence. sometimes home isn’t a place with walls or a roof — it’s a person, or a few people, with whom you let your guard down, where your edges soften, and you catch your breath.

i think of those fleeting moments, the small pockets of time where you’re not just tolerated but fully seen. the friend whose couch became your refuge on a stormy night; the stranger who became a companion on a trip you never expected to take; the lover whose hands made the world feel less sharp, even if only for a handful of days.

home, in these moments, is less about geography and more about spirit. it’s the quiet understanding shared over a cup of tea, the laughter that feels like a secret language, the comfortable silences that don’t demand explanation.

i carry these homes inside me — folded gently like worn letters in a box — knowing they shaped me even if they didn’t last. some homes you make are brief, like a song you play once but never forget. others linger longer, imprinting on your skin and memory.

and sometimes, the most profound home is the one you find inside yourself after all the others have slipped away. but the echoes of those who made space for you, who let you be, whisper still, reminding you that belonging is possible, even if temporary.

who have you made home with, even for a little while?
typingnoise: (Default)
i keep circling the same images, the same questions. not out of stagnation, but instinct — like a bird returning to where the ground was soft enough to dig. it’s not always memory, though it often is. sometimes it’s an image, a phrase, a sound. a sensation like velvet worn thin.

i think about the people who leave and the ones who stay too long. about the tension between silence and honesty. about the weight of a room that knows too much.
about hands that almost touch.
about the line between kindness and performance.
about what it costs to be perceived clearly, and what it means to be misremembered gently.

i notice how often i write about doors, letters, unplayed voicemails. i think that’s one of my threads — longing stored in transit.
another is the ache of caretaking, especially when it’s unspoken.
i write a lot about girls who disappear and are never searched for properly. about boys who get quieter as they grow. about ghosts who aren’t angry, just tired.

the things that come back again and again —
grief that pretends to be nostalgia.
love that apologises before it’s even asked.
the soft brutality of trying to remain open.
these are the motifs i don’t set out to write, but they surface anyway. like seams in the fabric. like breath fogging up the glass.

maybe you’ve got your own. maybe you’ve got a thread you keep tugging without realising, until the whole thing unravels and you’re left holding the truth of it in your lap. maybe that’s not a problem. maybe that’s the work.

because maybe it’s not about writing something new. maybe it’s about returning with more clarity, more softness, more willingness to look. maybe we just keep circling the well, a little deeper each time. and we learn to love what’s at the bottom. even if we never bring it all the way up.
typingnoise: (sad songs & better endings variant)
 They say you never forget your first heartbreak — mine came with a horn section and a deceptively cheerful chorus.

The Beautiful South taught me early that melancholy wears many disguises: a chipper piano line, a baritone muttering something brutal, a chorus you’ll hum in the supermarket and cry about in the car. No band was ever so polite about devastation. “Don’t Marry Her” is a hymn for bitter hope, “Prettiest Eyes” a love song that remembers time isn’t kind, and “Rotterdam” — well, that one just knows.

And then there’s Phil Collins.

Phil, patron saint of the emotionally inconvenient. His voice lives somewhere between a sigh and a plea, and I believed every word even before I understood what they meant. “Against All Odds” is a thunderstorm in slow motion. “Take Me Home” feels like walking alone in a city lit by sodium streetlamps. And “In the Air Tonight”? That’s a song you survive.

These are the artists who made it okay to feel too much, too often. Who said, yes, it’s absurd to be so wounded by ordinary life — but here’s a melody for that. Here’s a drum break that will make your chest cave in. Here’s a line you’ll repeat until it stops hurting, or until it does again.

So this is my love letter: to the unpretentious poetry of pop, to the way sadness sneaks into our softest places via FM radio, to songs that sound like walking home in the rain with your hands in your pockets. To The Beautiful South. To Phil Collins. To every moment that needed their voices.

You helped me name it. You helped me carry it. You helped me dance anyway.

Profile

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Rowan

about me

rowan (they/them)

42 · queer · northern england

scorpio sun, cardigan soul

librarian by day / vinyl night dj for sad hearts

writes like a love letter, edits like a ghost

cat: lionel. not your friend.


journal & personal
daily life — for the small, soft chronicles
personal — general self-reflection
memory work — past recollections, nostalgia
mental weather — moods, emotional check-ins
soft epiphanies — realisations, clarity moments
grief & ghosts — for loss, absence, echoes

meta & thoughts
media thoughts — essays, critiques, deep dives
character studies — exploration of fictional people
themes & threads — recurring motifs, big picture
queer readings — interpretations through a queer lens
things i’m turning over — ideas in progress

rambles & essays
thinking out loud — messy, meandering entries
on love & other disasters — heart-thoughts
overheard in my head — internal monologue excerpts
note to self — affirmations, reminders, truths

reviews & reactions
read lately — books, zines, fanfic
watched lately — films, series, video essays
heard lately — albums, playlists, soundtracks
feelings about media — when the media hits hard
softly obsessed with — hyperfixations, favourites

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